Faith Shattered

Dear God,

Today I cried. For the sake of my family, my parents, my dad, myself, my faith.

I was hurt in the state of unbelievable situation. I was left alone to struggle. I was left alone to chose.

For better or for worse. I let it out. I let it all out.

I don't want to lie.

I don't want to stand in the grey area.

I don't want to hear temptation


I just want a pure confession

I pray that this is coming to an end.

God, hold me tight Lord. Hold me in your hand and never let me God, Lord.

Let me be the strength to the family and myself.

On and on

today is sunday. tmr will be monday.

the routine is playing on and on again. I'm starting to feel a little be frustrated with myself. Loneliness and emptiness started to creep in.

I felt so helpless and useless on how i feel now.

Is this the pattern of life for me?

I feel so lost and selfless. I am not myself anymore. Trying to pull back some of the pohyi in me but cheryl has slowly becoming my identity.

I cant hold back my fear and loneliness. I wanna scream outloud my wish to go back to pohyi. But i know this is impossible. Pohyi cant survive here, Only Cheryl can. Cheryl has to be strong for her mom, for her job, for her family.

God help me to pull this through. I wanna scream, cry and run. But i cant. because i cant.

Pohyi is trying to be strong. Grant her strength and wisdom Lord to face the temptation of the world.

Stand strong.

God, can i?

The game is on.

Can I really execute in things that I believe I can?
Even I have already try my hardest?
How do I gain trust for people to lay their hope on me?
Can I really bare the responsibility?

不倒翁

最近我真的好像变成了不倒翁
但是不是它那永远打不倒的精神
而是那种总是被人推来推去的摸样

最近的生活
我过的好无奈
总是觉得自己没想法
没有自己的立场
被人推去那里就去那里
摆在那里就那里

想要说出心中话
却又被人否认拒绝
搞得我又自卑又没信心
开始怀疑自己的能力和想法

我要怎么走出来呢？
我要怎样才能说出我的想法？
难道我就不能照我的方式走吗？

不倒翁不是不好
至少它永不跌倒
就算被人脚踢拳打
它还是可以理当气壮的弹回来
还不赖吧？

Taken for Granted

There are so many time where i wish i have the second chance to undo what i did to avoid the awful feeling of regrets and guilt.

top of the list was my selfishness in taking things for granted. This is something that you will only realized when it really strike you. Suddenly you were left in a situation that are too late to be saved. You wish you should have say something to turn things around. sometimes it takes only few words or action to see that everything that surrounds you can be gone in the clips of an eye.

finally it make you realize that people or things exist for its own purpose, and if you stop appreciating them and starts neglecting, and in the end, it will be to late to start realizing the importance of their existence.

Sorry is only good for healing the surface but the cure for the roots of the pain was to start taking action and thank God for everything that you have.

The New Beginning

The beginning of a journey eventually indicates the end of another journey

This is it...

yesterday was the end of my wonderful time procrastinating in my comfort zone, being protected by family and be loved by friends.

today was the beginning of a journey that by Far only God knows. It may be hard but i know within lies the story that awaits to be discover and emotion yet to be experience.

Being away from a familiar scene and move on to a foreign nature gives me the scent of alienation and it feels exactly like going to a new school. Not knowing the group of people you are belonging and where you are suppose to stand. I guess this is God's way of giving me the new chance to start being who i really am without fearing of the past and the future.

God Bless me.