见证 - 第一课

今天和妈妈聊到往事和将来。内涵充满仇恨，埋怨和不满。当中我不停流下眼泪，每一滴都代表着我的针扎，痛苦，不理解。原来往事搅一搅，浮现的原来是伤痛和不甘心。对于将来，妈妈已经判了希望和圆满结局死刑。目前为此，我对于无法收回的判决，感到绝望。最伤莫过于妈妈那一句“有没有你在都无所谓”。仿佛告诉了我，我的存在可有可无。

但是我觉得这只是一个考验。上帝反而让我有机会领悟和体会妈妈的心里话，她的看法，她可怜的过去。拖着她片体鳞伤的心灵，一路走过来，真的不容易。虽然我曾经埋怨，但比起来，妈妈的付出是大过于我们能理解的。

然而我不放弃，因为我有上帝。因为只有上帝能安抚和医治妈妈空虚和受伤的灵魂。我会继续祷告，愿上帝的医治的手将拿走妈妈心里的刺，在把爱灌溉在那滴着血的心。让妈妈可以有机会体验上帝美好的安排。

祷告，我需要。

Take action

Sometimes I find it strange and funny how people finds no meaning in their life. They think their life sucks, boring, meaningless, not changeling, very stressful, totally thinks they need sympathy, need people to pat them and say things that nice to hear.


Wake up people. You find no meaning in life because you never try to find one. Ironic? but this is the true fact that everyone is trying avoid. People just wanna sit around and wait the good and comfortable, happy and exciting life to arrive at their doors step.

The purpose of living the life here on earth is a journey not a repetition of life that you have been living for thousand years. The life you have now is a journey. Journey to experience what is love, hopes, sadness, joy and strength to work on things that are pleasing to God and to yourself.


There's never a responsibilities of others upon your life. Even our parents are not responsible for what we do and how we live our life. The choices we made reflects of who we are and what is core value. Why do you wanna complain about your job, your life, your colleague, your pay, the government.

Our life is made out of things that cannot be change and things that can be change. Unchangeable = our gender, parents, our blood type (takes up 20% of our life). But things that we can change = our attitude, behavior, faith, confidence, hopes, principles of life (80%).


Wat do you think? do you wanna dwell in the 20% or make effort to live out of 80%?

I guess it's easy to say then action. Start now then, writing down on things that are matters to you and things that simple the stumbling block of your life. What is the priority of your life?

It's your life. It's your choice

set your priority straight.

Know what is priceless and worthless.

Because I personally think that it is sad if you have been living your life according to others standard instead of living for yourself. At the end of the day, it's your choice on how you want to live your life. Complaining doesn't do good, arguing doesn't make it better, ignoring only make it worse. Face your choices and live your decision. Nobody can make you hate your life as they have no rights to control how you want to live it.


People who you hate doesn't give a shit about your life. They just wanna to fuck people around. Do you think they are people who cares when you are in trouble and in needs? So why do you wanna care so much of what these people say. They can only make your life difficult only when you allows them.



Stand up and face your life with dignity and with courage. If your instinct tells you that you are doing the right thing, just do it.

Faith Shattered

Dear God,

Today I cried. For the sake of my family, my parents, my dad, myself, my faith.

I was hurt in the state of unbelievable situation. I was left alone to struggle. I was left alone to chose.

For better or for worse. I let it out. I let it all out.

I don't want to lie.

I don't want to stand in the grey area.

I don't want to hear temptation


I just want a pure confession

I pray that this is coming to an end.

God, hold me tight Lord. Hold me in your hand and never let me God, Lord.

Let me be the strength to the family and myself.

On and on

today is sunday. tmr will be monday.

the routine is playing on and on again. I'm starting to feel a little be frustrated with myself. Loneliness and emptiness started to creep in.

I felt so helpless and useless on how i feel now.

Is this the pattern of life for me?

I feel so lost and selfless. I am not myself anymore. Trying to pull back some of the pohyi in me but cheryl has slowly becoming my identity.

I cant hold back my fear and loneliness. I wanna scream outloud my wish to go back to pohyi. But i know this is impossible. Pohyi cant survive here, Only Cheryl can. Cheryl has to be strong for her mom, for her job, for her family.

God help me to pull this through. I wanna scream, cry and run. But i cant. because i cant.

Pohyi is trying to be strong. Grant her strength and wisdom Lord to face the temptation of the world.

Stand strong.

God, can i?

The game is on.

Can I really execute in things that I believe I can?
Even I have already try my hardest?
How do I gain trust for people to lay their hope on me?
Can I really bare the responsibility?

不倒翁

最近我真的好像变成了不倒翁
但是不是它那永远打不倒的精神
而是那种总是被人推来推去的摸样

最近的生活
我过的好无奈
总是觉得自己没想法
没有自己的立场
被人推去那里就去那里
摆在那里就那里

想要说出心中话
却又被人否认拒绝
搞得我又自卑又没信心
开始怀疑自己的能力和想法

我要怎么走出来呢？
我要怎样才能说出我的想法？
难道我就不能照我的方式走吗？

不倒翁不是不好
至少它永不跌倒
就算被人脚踢拳打
它还是可以理当气壮的弹回来
还不赖吧？